WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.