I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby