I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.