They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
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Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.