we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
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But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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