That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house