You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair