I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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