pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i've created a new STD.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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