i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
