can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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