In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
