I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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