I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
NoShamevember. You game?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
