Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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