I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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