mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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