i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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