I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
