my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
