ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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