Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
