i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
