My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my shit smells like andre
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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