i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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