I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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