are you so shy because you have an std?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
