Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
