I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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