I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
