Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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