Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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