11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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