her vagine was all disorganized.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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