you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
