y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
