I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
