I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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