Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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