Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize