we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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