spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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