ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
