I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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