Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
