Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
