just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
