genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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