I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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