if only i could text you this smell
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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