Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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