I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
