i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
