Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
