can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
