I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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