I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
