roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
