i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
