were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
