He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
