Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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