his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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